I just pynch a tree in the face
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
