I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize