He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
last night I used snow as a chaser
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
