I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
