we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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