Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hippo gnu deer
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize