I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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