Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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