I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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