that's an acceptable place to lick
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
