maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
