my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize