She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
