that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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