i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
