I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
