I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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