mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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