I think I died a long time ago.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
