Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
