It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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