My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
