just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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