I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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