i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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