I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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