maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
