I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
