I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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