I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The Olympian is in my bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize