no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
