sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
