I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
