we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
