Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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