the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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