After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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