in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
