i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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