i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
