I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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