are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
