just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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