birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Boobs are out for the taking
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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