i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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