Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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