her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
