soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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