I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am spending my child support on dildos
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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