Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
