i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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