Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
