I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
