dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
