please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
