her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
