Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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