Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
