pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
