What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
