hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
