I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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