Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
