I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
