her vagine was all disorganized.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
