i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
