I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
