too bad you live with your parents still
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
