I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
