You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We are two peas in an std pod
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
