To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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