Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
