Farmville is her only friend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
