Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
