Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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