My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
