the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
